Saturday, December 19, 2009

Am I silly again?

Exactly 18 months have passed since I saw your face for the last time. I thought I am over you. I thought I dont like you anymore. I thought I could hate you. I thought I could forget you. I thought I can forget you forever, forget it that you even existed.
Repressing the memories, repressing the feelings. Everything about you. Sad inside, happy to the outside world. Never showing to anybody how deeply I was injured. How deeply you hurt me. You act like everything is fine. I act like if everything will be fine.

2009. Hell came over me again when I saw your face at the football match. There. My heart beets once...twice ...stronger. I start to feel something inside, something forbidden. I know its bad to look at you. Bad to imagine it how I would kiss you again. How I would hug you again. Wondering if these are just the old memories coming back, or am I really longing for your body.

Then we meet after the match. You tell me you love me...still...
I cant believe it. I dont want to believe you. But still...maybe I want to...

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