Am I silly again?

Exactly 18 months have passed since I saw your face for the last time. I thought I am over you. I thought I dont like you anymore. I thought I could hate you. I thought I could forget you. I thought I can forget you forever, forget it that you even existed.
Repressing the memories, repressing the feelings. Everything about you. Sad inside, happy to the outside world. Never showing to anybody how deeply I was injured. How deeply you hurt me. You act like everything is fine. I act like if everything will be fine.

2009. Hell came over me again when I saw your face at the football match. There. My heart beets once...twice ...stronger. I start to feel something inside, something forbidden. I know its bad to look at you. Bad to imagine it how I would kiss you again. How I would hug you again. Wondering if these are just the old memories coming back, or am I really longing for your body.

Then we meet after the match. You tell me you love me...still...
I cant believe it. I dont want to believe you. But still...maybe I want to...

Stipendium

Hi there!

Why is everything so complicated? I wanna study in Germany from next year on. With a scholarship. With this DAAD programme or whatever it is called. But its so f**king complicated. Have to write 7 kinds of paper, and this and that, and write email to the German University and AHHHHHHH...

Why cant they just give you a paper ...that you can download from net, like here, nice to see you, nice to know you wanna study in Germany. But nooooo.....You have to check like 5 internet pages just to find out whats the date until you can hand in your papers. Geeeeezzzz....

Stupid system stupid germans that they have to be so precise. Damn... by the way I like germans...so no offense

And you have to hand in every paper 3 times. Can you belive it? I need a paper from my marks, I need a CV, and a letter why I wanna go there, and a filled out paper with my name and pic and so on, another paper from my german language exam and two more that I dont remember. Amazing.

But if it works then HELLO GERMANY! but..yeah...thats still a long way to go.

PLZ keep your fingers crossed for me...This is just way too much stress for me...

I rather go sleeping now, thx for listening

Take care

I wanna...

Months have passed since my last entry. Now I feel like writing again.

Trying to tell you what my heart is longing for. I wanna love. I wanna love again like when I was a teenager. Like in highschool. Wild, and careless. I remember when I loved back then. I was so upset always. So wild, and somehow strange. I felt like in heaven, and when I argued with my beloved one I wanted to die. Like the world would have collapsed. Of course it wasnt the end of the world. But I had so many emotions. Eternal love is what I wanted to find.

Always going and drinking with friends, with my boyfriend on my side. Always laughing always smiling always so happy. I was so happy at that time. SO free so not caring so in love. I would have died for my love. I would have gave my soul to the devil. I woke up every morning excited and waiting for the morning sunshine just to get to school to see him. To see HIM. Always rushing to school and coming home late. Always hanging with friends and with my love. I really felt so free. I felt like nothing can go wrong and this will last for ever. Like a dream. I felt like screaming from happiness. Always hugging him so strong like nothing before. Always so young.

But when you are left. Now thats the real nightmare. Crushed and broken. Crying and crawling. Depressed and lonely. When you are forgotten. Trying your best to win someone back but it wont work. And you leave eachothers side like strangers, like monsters like ...you cant even tell it how. And you build a wall. You build it together but you dont speak to eachother. And it kills you slowly in your heart, in the deeps. The wounds wont heal in a day, nor in a month. Maybe not even in a year.

Then you only wish to runaway. Far away. As far as possible. In the darkness. Or in light but only just to fake your feelings. You just wanna get over him. But getting over means forgetting but forgetting means losing, losing means pain, pain means suffering. Devils circle. It hurts anyway. There is no other way. Kill and being killed. Thats love. The tears come down on your face everymorning when you wake up and you already hate the sunshine. Cauz you know you cant hug him this morning or the next one either. Maybe...never again. And thats why I hate to love.

R.I.P my love

Can some animals talk like humans?

This week I read a few articles which said that chimpanzees can talk, and understand human language. But I don't think so. So I began to read more...

I found many arguments that were for and against the assumption, that the chimpanzees can be taught/ can learn a human language. I read several articles, but there were only a few that really caught my attention. So here is the story, listen...

American scholars believe that there is a similarity in the nervous system between humans and chimpanzees. So they believe that the chimpanzees are, or could be able to talk.

When a human is speaking, his left brain is active. There is a so called “Broca-area” which is more active than any other place in the brain, when somebody is speaking.

A few years ago Scholars have made some research. They tried to teach chimpanzees to talk. Most of the time these animals didn’t really talk. In there communication the gesticulation and the mimic took the biggest part. As the people were watching the brain activity of the animals- when the animals tried to communicate, to speak- they discovered, that the chimpanzees left brain side was active. Exactly on the same place where the human brain gets active, when somebody speaks.

Anyway, the chimpanzees mouth structure is not built for speaking. Their mouth isn’t really capable to perform speaking. That’s why they only use most of the time hand signals, and mimic, and gesticulation. And the most important thing is that they can not learn, or understand the grammar system. They can’t use it. They may understand and learn the signals, and pictures, but they can’t learn or use the grammar. So partly you can teach chimpanzees to talk, they can learn signs and pictures, and understand some of the conversation, but they can not make up a whole sentence, they can’t learn the grammar.

So it is partly true if we say that chimpanzees can be taught/ can learn to speak. Beside these important facts, scholars believe that the chimpanzees and the human beings had common ancestors back in the past, like 5-8 million years ago, in the Pliocene age. But there was a question that rose up.

What if only those chimpanzees were able to speak, that were brought up by humans. Because it is true that they have the brain structure that they need for speaking when they are born, it is already in them, but those chimpanzees, that were brought up by humans, used another kind of communication system then the wild ones. They used signs, and gestures that the wild ones didn’t use. So it could be that only those chimpanzees can communicate, who were brought up in human society.

I find this topic very interesting. How about you?

Take care

The Bee Hive

HI

Another week has passed by. It is already April. Time is running. Faster then before. Only one more month left, and we have to began to prepare for the exams. Another semester ends. After the hard exams we can relax again for a few months. Studying, relaxing, studying, relax. Finish one school after another. Living from day to day. Studying and then working till the end of our life.

Is this really our destiny? Working like busy bees. Never stopping always doing something. Everybody has it's own job here on earth.

We are the little things and the little things make up the big things. But we have done something very bad. We destroyed our environment. Well, not yet. Not totally. I have to admit that I believe in supernatural forces. I believe that our Earth is a breathing living thing. I believe Nature lives, and it controls our planet. And this year, this autumn- some people say-that our poor home will take it's revenge. I don't wanna scare you I don't wanna tell you what did they say. But we still have a chance to save our home. We still can do something. It's never too late.

Maybe after this blog you think I am a bit silly, or crazy, I don't care. I just shared my opinion with you.

Take care

Garfield

I just love Garfield . How about you? Do you like it, or not?

:)

Simple question, short entry. Maybe next time it will be a bit longer.

take care

Twilight

Isn't he the cutest vampire ever? In my opinion yes. You can read his and Bella's story in the book Twilight.

The book Twilight was written by Stephenie Meyer. It is mainly about a vampire who fells in love with a human girl, named Bella. The story is absolutely great. I saw the film 2 months ago, and now I read the book. The book is 1000 times better, you can believe me. Still at first watch the movie didn't really fascinate me, but after I read the whole book, I got a whole new perspective about this world.

While I was reading the book, and Bella fell in love with Edward/ vampire/ I felt like falling in love with him too. I know it's absolutely ridiculous, but I just had this very strong feeling, like I would be the main char. This book is a compulsive reading, also a good bedtime reading.

Amazingly good story with drama, fighting, love and romance. I am sure that I will read this book again, after I read the other 3 parts :) On Monday I will go to a bookshop, and buy the 2nd part titled New Moon. In that story probably the werewolves will appear too.

Have a nice weekend, hope you enjoyed my little blog!